


What Sober Couldn't Say

by DrayOakenshield



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drunk Bilbo Baggins, Emotionally Constipated Thorin, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Battle of Five Armies, Soul Bond, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 04:38:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13380345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrayOakenshield/pseuds/DrayOakenshield
Summary: Bilbo gets drunk and decides to give Thorin a piece of his mind before leaving Erebor behind





	What Sober Couldn't Say

**Author's Note:**

> The title and inspiration for this fic come from the song What Sober Couldn't Say by Halestorm.
> 
> https://youtu.be/w16D8EdCueY

Bilbo looked down into the mug of ale Kili had pressed into his hands. He wasn’t sure what number he was on but he knew he had drank enough that he didn’t care about being polite and holding his tongue anymore. 

Before they had retaken the mountain before Smaug was killed before Thorin had dangled him off the wall before their life had gone to hell promises had been made. Bilbo still wore the bead Thorin had given him from his own hair that night under the oak tree at Beorn’s, hoping the sight of it might break Thorin free of whatever was holding onto his mind. But it had been two months since that day, everyone was healthy again. And Bilbo was realizing (with the help of the ale Kili and Fili were pouring down his throat) that Thorin was too, he didn’t care like he said he did. It was just empty promises in the cool late summer nights at Beorn’s, meaningless words offered as comfort through cell bars, hollow hope for a future he would never have. Downing the last of the ale he set the cup on the table with a resounding thud as he hauled himself to his feet and paused to get his balance.

“You okay there Bilbo?” Fili asked as he shot a look at his smiling brother, trying to encourage him to tone it down. Neither of them had been drinking as much as they had given Bilbo, they were both sick of the way he and Thorin had been tiptoeing around each other for the last two months so they had decided to take steps to fix it.

“I’ve realized I need to speak to my intended,” Bilbo all but spat the last word.

“You sure that is a good idea?” Kili prodded. “He’s probably getting ready for bed and not accepting visitors.”

“Visitors?! I’m supposed to be getting married to him!” Bilbo growled before toddling over to the door and letting himself out. “I’m going, good night boys.”

After the door shut firmly behind Bilbo Fili and Kili looked at each other with matching grins, “well at least they are talking now. Even if they don’t work their mess out maybe something will come of it.”

Fili snorted, “or Bilbo will be on the next pony to the shire winter be damned.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Reaching the door of Thorin’s rooms Bilbo didn’t even bother knocking as he opened the door and let himself inside, causing Thorin to look up from the report he was reading while laying on the couch.

“What are you doing in my quarters at this hour? Come to steal something else?” Thorin growled as Bilbo shut the door behind him.

“No coming to return something,” Bilbo replied, throwing the bead he had pulled from his hair on the walk from Kili and Fili's rooms. “I’ve been doing some thinking and I’ve realized I’m done. I can’t keep pretending to be engaged to someone as toxic as you’ve become. You don’t love me, I don’t think you ever did. You just fucked me to make sure I would follow you all the way to the mountain so you could reclaim your precious gold. I let myself believe the lie that you loved me but that obviously not true. If you loved me, if I was your _One_ you wouldn’t have held me over the wall by my neck, you wouldn’t have tried to banish me from the mountain on pain of death for trying to save you and your company. No, you don’t love me and I can’t keep pretending to myself that you do. I’m over this, I’m over us. I’m going to walk down to Dale in the morning and ask Bard for a pony then I’m going to ride to Beorn’s and spend the rest of the winter with him. Have a nice life Thorin, I hope the mountain is enough to keep you warm at night. And for the record, I do love you. That’s why this hurts so fucking bad. But I can’t keep living in this mountain with the shadow of the man I fell in love with.”

All Thorin could do was watch in stunned silence as Bilbo effectively tore him to shreds, not even flinching when the silver bead made contact with his temple. Close to an hour after the door slammed behind Bilbo Dwalin found Thorin still staring at the spot he had stood in while he spoke with tears streaming down his face.

“So our hobbit came and spoke to you finally did he?” Dwalin asked as he noticed Thorin was clutching something small in his fist.

“Dwalin. What happened? What did I do to him?” Thorin rasped, looking for all the world like he was just waking up after a long sleep.

“You’ve been here alright, but you didn’t shake off the gold sickness near as well as you thought you had. You’ve refused to even look at him, or spare a kind word for him, for the last two months. It took the whole company threatening to leave for you to even let him wait out winter in the mountain. And even after all of the hell you have put that poor man through he waited for you. Fili, Kili, and I decided we had enough so we poured ale down him until he found the courage to confront you. Now, what are you going to do about it?” 

Thorin blinked at Dwalin as he processed what was said. After a moments thought he stood and made his way to the door, pausing only long enough to plead for Dwalin to keep Bilbo in the mountain through at least the next day. Exiting his rooms he went down to the private forge that had been set aside for him and his sister-sons and set to work on something he hoped would show Bilbo he didn’t want him to leave. He needed to prove he was back to himself and he thought he knew just the way to do it, he could only hope it would work.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Late the next morning Bilbo woke with a groan as someone knocked on his door, “Whoever is at my door please leave me alone, I’m not feeling up to company this morning.”

“Not going to work Bilbo, I know you are feeling like trampled orc shite because of how much you drank last night.” Fili said with a smile as he let himself into Bilbo's room, balancing a tray with toast and tea on the hand he wasn’t using to open the door.

Bilbo huffed his annoyance and yanked his blankets over his head as he remembered the scene he had made in Thorin’s rooms the night before. “Yes, I’m quite aware of what an ass I made of myself last night. I’ll get up and gather my things in a few moments to go down to Dale so you don’t have to deal with me any further. Now please leave.”

“Nope, you aren’t leaving the mountain today. For one it is already nearly lunch, you wouldn’t make Dale before dark. And for two you aren’t feeling up to a full day trek down the mountain. Now drink the tea, it’s got herbs in it to help with the headache.” Fili said setting the tray on Bilbo’s bedside table.

Bilbo pulled the blankets far enough off his face to glare at Fili before huffing and rolling onto his side. “You don’t need to keep pretending like you care. Thorin and I are over and I’ll be leaving soon.”

“My uncles an ass who didn’t deserve you,” Fili said sitting next to Bilbo on the bed and making himself comfortable. “Truth be told me, Fili, and Dwalin conspired to get you drunk and talking to him so he might finally realize what he lost. If you truly want to leave after dinner tonight I will send a raven to Bard and let him know you are coming to get a pony tomorrow okay? But for now, why don’t you relax and wait to see what today brings.”

“Do you really think I’ll be allowed to stay in the mountain after what I did last night? I don’t know if you heard but I went into Thorin’s rooms and threw the bead he gave me at his head then yelled at him.” 

“Trust me, if my mother were here she would have done it ages ago. Thorin needed someone to yell at him, hopefully it knocked some sense into him.” 

Bilbo sat up and grabbed the tea Fili brought him and took a sip, “you say that like you haven’t spoken to him today.”

“When he came to bed last night Dwalin told me he had gone and gave Thorin a piece of his mind as well. Thorin took off after that but the last thing he said to Dwalin was to plead for him to keep you in the mountain through today.” Fili said with a shrug. “He didn’t seem like he was planning anything violent so Dwalin agreed and I’m doing my part to help out. If Thorin’s back to himself and ready to beg for you to give him another chance what will you do?”

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t know if I can trust him after the last few months.” Bilbo admitted sadly, “don’t think that means I don’t love him because I do. I love Thorin more than I ever thought was possible to love another person. These last couple of month have been painful, emotionally and physically. My chest hasn’t stopped hurting since he tried to throw me over the ramparts.”

“Why didn’t you tell us it was that bad?” Fili asked sounding concerned about what Bilbo revealed.

“Because I’m sure it is mostly in my head.” 

“Bilbo it’s not in your head. That’s one of the early symptoms of your One rejecting you, next comes constant shortness of breath, then the rejected party is constantly tired. Eventually, the rejected party goes to sleep and just doesn’t wake up because their soul gives up.” 

Bilbo fidgeted next to Fili trying not to look guilty. He had thought his constant shortness of breath was a remnant of getting hit in the chest during the battle, and he figured the creeping tiredness he felt was just because he had been pushing to help with what he could with the rebuilding of the mountain before caravans started arriving in spring. He had been falling into bed utterly exhausted for the couple weeks, it had all added up in his head perfectly so he hadn’t even told Oin about it.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“Well, you see, um,” Bilbo started but couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

“You have other symptoms don’t you?” Fili asked bluntly.

Bilbo nodded sadly, “I thought the shortness of breath was from the battle and the tiredness was from rebuilding Erebor.”

Fili stared at him for a minute before sliding off of his bed. “Excuse me, Bilbo, I need to go find my uncle and knock some sense into him. Don’t bother trying to leave this room, one of the company will be outside to put you back in bed if you try.”

Bilbo studied Fili’s face for a moment then sank back into the pillows with a nod when he saw how serious the golden prince had become. “I think I’m going to go back to sleep for a bit anyway. The tea helped a bit but I still have a vicious headache and since I’m obviously not expected anywhere I might as well relax for a bit.”

“I’ll be back in a little while with lunch, rest until then,” Fili said before slipping out of the door and shutting it behind him. The first thing he needed to do was find his brother to keep an eye on Bilbo to keep him from trying to leave the mountain so he headed down the hall to the large common area the company had set up. Pushing through the doors he was happy to notice both Dwalin and Kili tending to weapons by the fire. 

Kili looked up as he heard Fili coming up behind him, “I take it your talk with Bilbo didn’t go well?”

“Oh no, it went marvelously. Did you know he’s had chest pain since Thorin tried to throw him off the wall?” Fili asked with false curiosity as he rested a hand on Dwalin’s shoulder for comfort.

“What?” Dwalin growled, tensing with anger.

“Oh yeah, and apparently he also has shortness of breath that he thought was a lingering battle injury and he’s been even more tired than usual lately but he thought that was just because of how hard he’s been working in the library to avoid Thorin. Kili if you wouldn’t mind making sure Bilbo stays in his room, I think he’s asleep now but I don’t want him trying to leave when he wakes up. Dwalin would you like to come with me to knock some sense into Thorin, I believe he’s hiding in the forge today.” 

“That’s not like Bilbo, even after a night of heavy drinking he’s up with the sun. I’ll take my work and sit by his fire until you come back,” Kili said as he gathered the items he had been working on. “And Fili? Give Thorin an extra hit from me please.”

“Don’t worry laddie we will make sure Thorin knows exactly how badly he fucked up. If he’s lucky he will leave the forge with his beard still attached to his face,” Dwalin growled. It didn’t matter that his friend was now back on his throne as king under the mountain, purposely hurting your One was a serious offense. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Thorin looked up from the ring he was forging to match the beads he had forged late the night before. “Fili? Dwalin? Is something wrong?” He asked dropping the ring into the water to cool.

“Yes something is wrong you ignorant fool,” Dwalin growled, stalking towards Thorin. “Your sister son went and talked to Bilbo just now, woke him up actually. Did you know he’s been suffering from a rejected bond? His chest has been hurting for months, he hasn’t been able to breathe properly in weeks, and lately, he’s been all but exhausted. I should have your beard for this Thorin son of Thrain. You knew he was your One, you knew what rejecting him would do to him. Mahal, you even declared him as your One in front of the company the morning after you gave him a bead from your own hair!”

Thorin looked to Fili for confirmation, when he got a terse nod in response Thorin fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face once again.

“You get no sympathy from me uncle, you nearly killed him because of your pride. If I hadn’t gone to talk to him this morning, if I hadn’t kept him from riding off to Dale then beyond and out of your reach, he would have been dead before the winter was over. Probably on the side of the road somewhere between here and Beorn’s.” Fili said coldly.

“I never thought he would be affected by something like that,” Thorin confessed through his tears.

“So what? That gives you the right to treat him like shite? I should have your beard and braids for how you’ve been acting.” Dwalin fumed, barely holding back from punching Thorin for being such an ass. “How would you have reacted if I had rejected Fili like you’ve done to Bilbo? The only reason you haven’t been treated the same is because none of us knew how bad the poor lad was suffering.”

“You need to fix this Thorin. If you don’t make it right the council will find out and you won’t be king much longer,” Fili promised. “You know they won’t follow a king that doesn’t hold the honor to treat their One right.”

Thorin looked utterly broken as he knelt on the floor shaking from silent sobs, the reality of what he had done pounding into him with every word that was said. “I don’t want the throne, not if it means he isn’t by my side. If it will bring him back to me I will happily give it up. I need to go talk to him if he will see me, I have a lot I need to make up for.”

Fili nodded and stepped aside to let Thorin leave the forge, the glare never leaving his face.

After Thorin had gathered the beads and ring he had made and left the forge Dwalin pulled a shaking Fili into his chest in a tight hug. “It’s not too late for me to punch him if you want me to lad.”

“You can punch him if he doesn’t earn Bilbo’s forgiveness,” Fili promised as he hugged Dwalin tightly.

~~~~~~~~~~

Kili looked up from the nick he was honing out of a blade when there was a soft knock at the door, realizing that Bilbo was still asleep he set aside the blade and quietly opened the door to see who was on the other side. To his surprise he found a defeated looking Thorin waiting for the door to open, standing aside he motioned for his uncle to come in. “Bilbo’s asleep and I know Dwalin and Fili went to talk to you so I won’t say what I really want to. But I will say this, if you don’t fix this I will be sending the next available raven to my mother and telling her exactly what you have done.” He hissed as Thorin stepped past him into the room.

“And I thought Fili wasn’t holding back his punches. Don’t worry I agree with everything all three of you have said and I’m here to make it right if he will let me.” Thorin said, his voice sounding just as defeated as he looked.

“Thorin? Come to kick me out of your mountain?” Bilbo asked sleepily from the bed.

Kili nodded towards the bed as permission for Thorin to go into the room and speak to Bilbo and let himself out of the room.

Thorin hurried over to the bed and knelt by the left edge facing Bilbo, “I’m not going to kick you out. This mountain is your home, you’ve earned your place here just as much as any of the company has if not more so. I’m here to apologize, to beg you to forgive me if you can find it in your heart to do so.”

“You’re just saying that because your nephew told you I’m likely dying. I don’t want to be with you just because you pity me.” Bilbo hissed as he rolled away from Thorin’s reaching hand.

“I’m not here out of pity after you left last night I went to the forge and crafted the beads you should have had all along.” Thorin said, stretching out and taking Bilbo’s hand to drop three beads into it. “A proper courting bead, a betrothal bead, and a marriage bead. All three bear the mark of the line of Durin, the mark you should have been given from that night at Beorn’s. I’m sorry Bilbo, I know words mean little after the way I’ve acted these past months but please know it wasn’t truly me talking. I never meant to hurt you like this, I’m an ass and I will spend the rest of my days making these last months up to you if you will let me.”

Bilbo looked at the beads Thorin had put in his hand trying not to cry. They were obviously newly made, and Bilbo could practically feel the love rating from them. “And then what? What happens if I accept your apology? We are fine for a few months then I somehow breathe wrong and get dangled from the battlements again?”

Thorin winced at the venom in Bilbo’s voice, “no what happens next is I hand the throne over to Fili and Balin for the next year, or longer if that’s what it takes, and we go to the Shire where I spend every waking moment trying to make it up to you. And when you are ready to come back to the mountain and rule by my side then that is what we will do, together. If you never decide you are ready then we will not come back, that’s the least I can do for you after I pushed you aside for the mountain.”

Bilbo slowly rolled onto his back so he could look at Thorin, trying to read on his face if the emotion he heard in Thorin’s voice was true. After studying Thorin’s expression for a moment he held out the beads to him, “I won’t wear the marriage bead yet but I believe it's proper for you to braid the courting and betrothal beads into my hair. This does not mean all is okay with us but I am willing to try if you are. But Thorin I swear if you ever act like you have been again I will leave without a second thought.”

Thorin took a shaky breath before he moved to sit on the bed next to Bilbo, “is this okay?”

“I’d rather you hold me,” Bilbo replied, offering a small smile. 

Thorin held out his arms not quite believing his luck as Bilbo curled into them. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have shut you out, I shouldn’t have cared more about a stone, I shouldn’t have listened to the gold. I’m sorry Bilbo. I love you.”

“I love you too Thorin, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be so mad at you.” Bilbo whispered, “you know it’s already easier to breathe with you by my side again.”

Thorin tried not to let a sob escape his lips at the reminder of how bad he had been treating the one he claimed as his one. As Bilbo started to doze against his chest Thorin picked up a lock of hair from Bilbo’s right temple in his trembling fingers and wove a braid through the curls, fastening it with the silver courting bead he had made the night before. “Wear this bead as a symbol of the promise I make to you, the promise to love and honor you above all else and all others.”

Bilbo offered Thorin a sleepy smile as he finished the braid, “want me to roll over so you can put the other one in?”

“Only if you feel up to it, I know you’ve had a rough couple of months,” Thorin said leaning down and capturing Bilbo’s lips in a tender kiss.

“I feel better now than I have since Laketown,” Bilbo murmured into the kiss before rolling off of Thorin. “Here swap me sides of the bed and you can do the other one.”

Thorin smiled fondly as he kicked off his boots to get into the bed properly on the other side of Bilbo so he could put the braid in the hair on the left temple. “This braid symbolizes the future I hope to see, the future with you by my side in this life and the next.”

“I hope we get to see it too but I’m not going to deny that I have my concerns. These last few months when you were still feeling the effects of the gold sickness were hard, I felt like I meant less than the dirt on your shoe most of the time.” Bilbo said, trying not to let his voice crack.

“I hope you never feel like that because of me again. I truly am sorry Bilbo, I love you.” Thorin said but only got a small snore in response. Laughing slightly he slid down in the bed and curled around Bilbo to take a nap himself, he would go talk to Balin and Fili later in the day, for now he needed to focus on the hobbit he had neglected for so long.


End file.
